2016 Update: What to Look for In the Next Year

It’s been quite awhile, but not for lack of activity! I have many, many new things in the works for the coming year, and right now seemed like as best a time as ever to announce them. After all, the best time to plant a tree is twenty years ago; the second best time is now. In the last year, I’ve gone solo as a graphic designer, started school for music production, begun studying social media marketing, and decided to take blogging as a career very seriously. All of these things lead to, you guessed it! New ventures! So what projects have I started working on? Read on to find out:

  1. A New EP: This is top on my list because it is, in my mind, the most important. Now that I am currently over a third of the way through my music production degree, I feel equipped with the right tools to start making my own music, from the ground up. I’ve been releasing things on my songwriting soundcloud, have tons of new collaborators, and a few shiny new pieces of equipment. Expect to see an EP release before this time next year!
  2. A Music Production and Curation Blog: It only seems logical that after starting school for music production, I would start a blog about it. I’ve been meaning to start a curation blog for years, but I’ve been scared for lulls and lack of content (I can get very picky!). By starting a joint blog, I’ll be able to see both of these ideas come to fruition without the danger of a content blackout! I promise this one has a little bit of a twist, but I feel behooved to keep it a mystery.
  3. A (Casual) Plant Blog: Guys, if there were a plant version of the cat lady- I am she. I’ve become her. Upon moving into our new house, I decided that I wanted green in my room, for multiple reasons (Did you know that the presence of plants causes an increase in dopamine levels?!). Somehow, I ended up with over 20 containers in my room, and my collection keeps on growing. This is probably the most half-baked of all of my ideas, but we’ll see how it goes nonetheless! Who knows? Maybe I’ll end up with a nursery!
  4. A Lifestyle Blog(?): Alright, so I’m in a little bit over my head with this one. I haven’t quite honed it down. Over the course of my dreaming (which has been going on for two years now), this blog has included everything from practical knowledge about being a woman to the philosophical implications of various political opinions to long distance relationships to beauty to travel to self-love, etc. The list keeps going on and on! I think the real problem with this particular idea is it’s scalability and legs. I have too many thoughts and feelings about it to be able to reel it in. But look for the end product nonetheless! It will arrive someday.
  5. Write a Book About My Eating Disorder: Those who are familiar with the origins of this blog know that it used to be a fitness and nutrition blog, and that I used to post fairly often about exercise, diet, and cooking. Well, (obviously) that’s not the case anymore, and for those of you that missed the post that I wrote (and eventually took down quite some time ago) about my recovery, I had quite a nasty eating disorder that gravely and negatively affected my life for two years. With lots of work and determination, it’s now over, and I’d love to write a book about the journey from point A to point B.

So there you have it! These are my plans for the year, and I’m glad to have them written down and published. (Those who write down their goals are more likely to achieve them!) They may sound ambitious at first, but I’m determined to see them all to fruition! Maybe once I’m able to build just one, the rest will fall into place.

To all those who stumble upon this announcement, and for the subscribers that have been here (and stayed) since the very beginning, thank you for reading!


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Moral Attenuation

There is a woman who sits in the window of a massage spa on Hollywood Boulevard every night around midnight. I’ve walked past her a few times now, each time wondering what it would be like to be in her situation, especially with the obvious implications of sitting in a massage parlor window at night on Hollywood Boulevard. I struggle through a lot of exercises in extrinsic awareness, but it’s incredibly difficult to imagine life in the graveyard shift of a Thai massage studio providing happy endings to the drunk and dauntless. My thoughts are with her perception, and my own perception in her position. With the way that I think about intimacy and relationships, a job like hers would almost assuredly breed some kind of bizarre psychological coping mechanism. As I walked past the studio, a homeless man dressed in fur yelled “Welcome to Hollywood!”, a fitting evaluation of my thought process. He of course followed it with, “Now go home!”

I don’t know what I meant to introduce. I think I wanted to talk to myself. I’m not entirely sure who I wanted to talk to.

I watched an hour pass. I wrote a reflection- always too private.

I guess this is where this entry ends.

Complexity, Confusion, and the Nature of All That Is

See here. The greatest fault of our thinking is to assume that we live in a dichotomous world, a world of here and there, this and that, left and right. Little do we realize that the universe, the multiverse…is infinitely simple in its oneness, that we are merely more wholes to the great whole that so many mistakenly believe is separate. The greatest disservice in self-perception one does is to believe that she is only one part of this great whole, that he is insignificant in comparison… but all is infinite, and so both he and she are infinitely significant and insignificant in that this and these are one.

As has been said by many a great mind: Complexity is not a cause of confusion, but rather a symptom. 

When I first heard that concept…I thought- how clever! Obviously, something is only complex if you do not understand it! That was until I realized that the message was something different, a message perhaps even the speaker of the quote was not aware that he was relaying. Imagine if you changed the wording of this concept slightly, and made its application a little bit more specific: Our complexity is a symptom of our confusion, not a cause. Let’s warp it further, shall we? Life is complex not by its own nature, but rather by nature of our confusion.  Now substitute anything- The universe is complex… Existence is complex… We are complex…

I’m not sure if you noticed, but the last thing I wrote changed our little game completely. We are complex not by our nature, but rather by nature of our confusion. What conclusions can you draw from this that are unique in comparison? None, and yet they seem unique nonetheless. If you have agreed with the things I have said before, then you must agree too that we are only complex as long as we are confused. We are, by nature, simple beings- a simple being: one and infinite.

See here. There exists no two in our understanding, but only three and one- for as soon as you have two, you have three. Two is an illusion. This is easy for us to understand. This makes sense…but what then if I tell you that three is also an illusion? For as soon as you have three, you have many, and as soon as you begin to travel to the infinite many, you begin to recognize one again. All returns to one. This is why so many religions speak of a severed God, who is also a single being. We must attempt to justify the ideas of different and separate in our heads while the deepest of our being craves oneness.

The most primitive of us will continue to create and create out of confusion- making things more and more complex, constantly constricting ourselves- in order to try and justify our own existence, and to understand our own nature. When these creations and impositions become too many, we each will be forced to evolve- for the individual only has so much capacity to follow rules, especially those which have been arbitrarily decided.

The most evolved of us will continue to create and create out of understanding- constantly freeing and changing ourselves- to experience our own infinite nature, for one who is infinitely discrete is also infinitely continuous. One who is infinite is also finite, and infinitely so.

We live to end the confusion that begets complexity, to return to the simplicity that is oneness- everything and nothing, everywhere and nowhere, forever and never. We crave this. We strive for this. We create so that we may experience this.

We are who are, and that is all that is.

*Featured image is The Transfer of Burden by Forester McClatchey

The Transfer of Burden by Forester McClatchey

The Transfer of Burden by Forester McClatchey

Intuition and Existence

Simple consciousness allows us to be strangers at best. Jaded and hindered by language, we observe behavior filtered through personality, temperament, mood, situation, and time. Every tilt of the head, blink of the eye, flutter of the heartbeat serves some purpose. Each individual’s existence is unique, and the reality connecting us all is the substance of God. At least, this is my belief.

Intuition is the language of the soul, and allows so much more. A diamond shattered is still a diamond, though its pieces gain identities of their own. This comprehensive identity begets intuition.

You are dust, and to dust you shall return.

Somehow, in a world where we are strangers even to ourselves, some manage to know each other so deeply, in truth, that they connect even before consciousness and language have a chance to inspire dysfunction. Every individual has access to this identity, and thus an intuitive capacity, but many stifle it.

While perspective and circumstance influence consciousness, intuition functions on its own…unaffected. This comprehensive identity gives purpose to all beings, actions, and occurences. Perhaps in order to know ourselves we must use this intuition to fill the space that we discover as we piece together those around us.

In your self you will find your substance; in your peers you will find your self. Between you will find no boundary, only God.

On God

Have you ever considered, that maybe humanity knew all along? Maybe our understanding of God is just humanity’s way of dealing with His mystery? That God is not the person we have traditionally understood Him to be? That we try to place God into a box He cannot fit?

Look around you. Intelligent design is undeniable, because we are the design and the designer, living in the product of nature and reason. Intelligent design is necessary because it is who we are. Consider: All things fit within existence. Social media is one step closer to the revelation that we have brought upon ourselves. All of history is a journey toward, and evidence of the oneness that is God.

Most religions agree that God is not a person. God is rather the space between the heartbreaker and the heartbroken, the savior and the saved. He is everything and everyone…infinitely great and small all at the same time. Omniscient because He is the connection between all things, the web that has created the present, where all things fit into existence exactly where they are, time is an illusion, and we travel through this grid most smoothly with altruism. God is the point, the line, and the graph. We are a part and a whole of His being. Prayer a product of intention, a sub-prophecy of THE self-fulfilling prophecy.

We live, we love, we are one, and such is God.

Embrace Your Regrets

I’ve made many a stupid decision in life, but nothing that hasn’t taught me something about myself. For this reason, I consider myself someone who embraces regret. As you may know, I consider awareness and introspection as qualities necessary for self-improvement, and regret plays into these two quite nicely.

According to Merriam-Webster, regret in its noun form is “sorrow aroused by circumstances beyond one’s control or power to repair”. By this definition, I have many regrets, but not a single one that I would go back and change, mostly owing to lessons learned.

When making decisions, I ask myself which potential option will bring me closer to the person I want to be. When I make a decision that goes awry, I learn something about myself. Though I may feel regret about that decision, reflecting on it brings me a greater understanding of who I want to be, which I can apply to future decisions.

Why should you embrace past mistakes, and the regret that accompanies them? Think of it this way: Time is an illusion, a grid connecting all actions. Change occurs in the context of time. Actions in time are represented by points, and each new action forms a new point. The lines connecting these points form the paths you have taken in life, leading you to the points where you now reside. Embrace regret because each action brings you closer to the portrait of who you will become within the web of who you are…and is a reminder that you are capable of mistakes, and therefore change. When you reflect on these mistakes, think about why you consider them mistakes. Immediately, you will have a greater awareness of who you are, and will approach future decisions with a deeper understanding and more experience.


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